i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Bring me that man meat
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
