I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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