College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
