If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
