Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
