I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
