some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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