The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
