just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
