New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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