Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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