so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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