i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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