HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize