my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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