just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
