I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
