Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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