omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
