She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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