Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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