i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
she pinky promised me she was 18
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
