Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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