great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
