yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
