I accidentally had phone sex last night
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
My vagina is officially offended.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
