I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize