would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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