Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Randomize
