it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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