Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize