A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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