He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
