The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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