thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
