I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
