drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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