this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
