I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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