my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize