Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
