Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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