So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
