awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
