I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
