i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
