I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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