sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
