i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
