goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
