ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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