apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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