Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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