he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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