Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
