I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
