In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
