even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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