There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
We need to get me chipped asap
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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