My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
