was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
