Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize