I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
