Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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