My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize
