can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Barsexuality is the new black.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
