The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
