also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
