please come you make the beer taste better
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Just pee around me
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
