when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
