if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize