Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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