1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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