I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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