if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I forget how to act sober
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
