My sheets look like a crime scene.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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