Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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