Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
