I'm lost and stupid without you.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
