when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
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