after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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