After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
