i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
