ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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