Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Randomize
