Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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