i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
