This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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