wat bout pragnant strippers??
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
