Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
