I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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