the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
