So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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