Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
