He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
