i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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